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Anonymous quotations

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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A

  • Anything devoid of change is a figment of ones imagination, and therefore subject to be forgotten.
  • Actions speak louder than words, but isn't speaking an action?
  • A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
  • A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
  • A gun is only dangerous when it’s fired.
  • A safe dream is called a Plan.
  • A ship is safe in the harbor, but that's not what ships are built for.
  • A terrorist is someone with a bomb, but without an air force.
  • Aim low, then you won’t be so disappointed when you fail.
  • Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
  • Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse.
  • All I ever wanted was an honest week's pay for an honest day's work. ~ I've only ever heard this said by Bilko on The Phil Silvers Show (aka the original Sergeant Bilko)
  • All people need three things: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.
  • All proverbs be shit.
    • This is used in the UK as a response to the inappropriate use of a proverb.
  • Always give a Pisces the benefit of the doubt.
  • An optimist believes we live in the best world possible; a pessimist fears this is true.
  • Anarchy, n. Other peoples' freedom.
  • Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
  • Any program that runs right is obsolete.
  • Any sufficiently undocumented computer program is indistinguishable from magic. (paraphrased from Arthur C. Clarke who said "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.")
  • Anyone who thinks this is black and white has not read up on the subject.
  • Anything can be put to use, even the dead.
  • Anything is a weapon if you swing it right.
  • Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
  • Apathy is the glove to which evil slips its hand.
  • As you move through life, set aside good ideas and give them to others to encourage and inspire.
  • At the end of the game, the pawn and the king go back in the same box.

B

  • Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down
  • Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still
  • Blonde is not a hair color, it is a state of mind.
  • But Grace, then anyone will be able to write programs! ~ Said to Grace Hopper regarding COBOL
  • By the time you get to the point where you can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. ~ Variation: By the time you figure out what goes around the world, you'll be too dizzy to care.
  • Beyond good and evil lies South Dakota.

C

  • Campaigns to bearproof all garbage containers in wild areas have been difficult because, as one biologist put it, "There is a considerable overlap between the intelligence levels of the smartest bears and the dumbest tourists."
  • Canada is full of Canadians.
  • Columbus was lost.
  • Columbus wasn’t exactly looking for America, but that seemed to work for everyone.
    • This was said by Vince Vaughan in the film Old School.
  • Comedy is tragedy plus time.
    • This was said by Steve Allen originally some decades ago, and if memory serves it also appears in his published book How to be Funny. However, multiple online references attribute this quote to Carol Burnett. I don't know which one said it first or if they both came up with it separately. ( ~ ZachsMind ).
  • Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

D

  • Decisions are made by those who show up.
  • Déjà vu, n. The experience of thinking that a new situation had occurred before.
  • Déjà vu, n. The experience of thinking that a new situation had occurred be... wait a minute.
  • Déjà vu, n. The situation of thinking that a new experience had occurred again.
  • Don't confuse questions and comments.
  • Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
  • Don't cry over it; It's only nuts and bolts.
  • Don’t fix it if it ain't broken.
  • Don't quote me.
  • Don’t bite off more than you can chew.
  • Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
  • I don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.

E

  • Egotist, n. Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
  • Every time you make something idiot-proof, some bastard re-invents the idiot!
  • Everyone has almost been hit by a car once in their lifetime.
  • Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads.
  • Everyone has their price.
    • This is attributed to former pro wrestler Ted DiBiase.
  • Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
  • Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

F

  • Faith is believing what nobody in his right mind would believe! (This was said by Archie Bunker on "All in the Family".)
  • Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names. -JFK
  • Freedom is a crime because it separates us from a group.
  • French for déjà vu?
  • Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

G

  • Getting hit in the nuts is funny until it happens to you.
  • GIRLS ARE EVIL (mathematical proof)
Girls = Time x Money
but since Time is Money
Girls = Money x Money = Money2
Now since Money is the root of all evil
Money = √ Evil
And hence combining both equations we get
Girls = (√Evil)2 = Evil
Thus Girls = Evil.
QED
  • Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
  • God doesn’t need our worship. Doesn’t he have enough?
  • God has a sense of humour. Why do you think he put Iraq and Iran next to each other?
  • God is a woman... who else would protect mens' balls with a thin layer of skin?
  • God is Croatian, someone might as well be.
  • Greatest gift one man can give another; the awesome responsibility of freedom.
  • Greece is greasy.
  • Greeks are try-hard Turks.
  • Guns don't kill people; bullets kill people. (Chris Rock?)
  • Guns don't kill people; people kill people.
    • Said by DMX in Romeo must die. But, I don't think he is the first to say it.
  • Guns don't kill people; people kill people... with guns.
  • Guns don't kill people; gaping holes in vital organs kill people.
  • Guns don't kill people; 3 1-inch holes in the head kill people.

H

  • Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important.
  • Have a nice day, in hell.
  • Have a nice day, somewhere else.
  • He who is silent speaks universes.
  • Honk, if you have a horn.
  • How am I? I'm fuckin' dead!
  • How will I laugh tomorrow when I can't even smile today? ~ This was the title of an album, and a song on the album, by the punk rock band Suicidal Tendencies, released 8-13-1988.
  • How can you be in two places at once when you are not anywhere at all?

I

  • I always finish what I...
  • I am not a crook... I am however a long staff with one end being hook shaped.
  • I don't have an attitude problem: you have a perception problem!
  • I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own!
  • I feel bad staring without buying a ticket.
  • I have an idea! .... Oh, wait...no, that was just a tumor.
  • I know exactly what is right and what is wrong... I just don't care.
  • I think, therefore I am wrong.
  • I think, therefore I am, I think.
  • I think, therefore I am... therefore you don't exist.
  • I think, and that is just about all I can say for sure, I think.
  • I try to get out and they keep pulling me in.
  • I used to think I was indecisive. . . but now I'm not so sure.
  • I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees - Zapata
  • I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy. ~ source: Tom Waits ~ Often attributed to Groucho Marx but no substantiating evidence exists.
  • If youve never seen a shotgun being fired then HONK LOUDLY!
  • If your glass is half empty, fill it.
  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  • I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I have forgotten this before! ~ Sounds like Steven Wright
  • I'm not a genius, i just read that off the sign behind you.
  • I'm not as stupid as you look.
  • I'm not as think as you drunk I am. Major Margaret Houlihan, MASH.
  • I'm not under the alfluence of incohol like some thinkle peop I am. It's just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
  • I'm on top of the world and afraid of heights.
  • . . . In social darwinism, not surviving does not mean literally dying. It can mean being poor, for example. Now, in real evolution, a poor man does not simply say "good job" and take his minimum wage. He picks up his rifle and takes a higher wage by force. That is what I hate about commies and capitalists- They don't realize they are the same god damned thing- 'Its mine!' Capitalism is a rich man saying it. Communism is a poor man saying it.
  • I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
  • If 'pro' is the opposite of 'con', what is the opposite of 'progress'? ~ Possibly by Mark Twain.
  • If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  • If it's worth fighting for...it's worth fighting dirty for.
  • If I’m going down I’m taking somebody with me.
  • If the left half of the brain controls the right hand, and the right half the left, than left-handed people are the only ones in their right minds.
  • If the sheep vote, then so must the wolves. ~ Punk aphorism.
  • If the sheep and wolves have votes, then the election is probably fixed.
  • If voting changed anything it would be illegal.
  • If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what loser came up with quit while you're ahead?
  • If you can't appreciate it, you don't deserve it.
  • If you cannot win, make the one ahead of you break the record.
  • If you don't like relationships that end, why start them in the first place?
  • If you speed like lightning, you’ll crash like thunder
  • In most instances, all an argument proves is that two people are present.
  • In the beginning there was nothing. And the Lord said 'Let There Be Light!' And still there was nothing, but at least now you could see it.
  • In the entire history of the world, nobody ever washed a rented car. (Woody Allen ?)
  • In the nursery rhyme 'Humpty Dumpty' where does it say that he's an egg?
  • It doesn't matter whether you view the glass as half full or half empty, there's still only half a glass worth's there.
  • It is not ignorance that is the problem, but the illusion of knowledge.
  • It is our duty to consider such lunacy.
  • It takes skill to climb the corporate ladder on your knees.
  • It's been a long week today.
  • It's hard to answer what's wrong... when nothing is right.
  • Its like they're there telling me the doctor will see me as long as I sit in the waiting room all day and don't read anything.
  • It's mind over matter. You don't mind, it don't matter.
  • It's not the fall that kills you— it's the sudden stop at the end. ~ This sounds like Gil Grissom from CSI ~ Something very similar to this quote is the repeated monologue in the french movie La Haine ~ This line features in many Discworld-novels by Terry Pratchett, first published in 1983 and thus outdating CSI and La Haine.
  • It's not the size of the dog in the fight; it's the size of the fight in the dog.
  • It's what's not there that makes what's there what it is. ~ Welsh band Catatonia .
  • It's not how much you love her, its how much you would care when she leaves you.
  • It's physically impossible to be as dumb as you look.

J

  • Just because you are chained to the porch doesn’t mean you can’t bark at the cars.

K

  • Karma spares no one.
  • Knowledge has never been known to enter the head through an open mouth.
  • Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.
  • Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

L

  • Laziness is the driving force of the progress. ~ Variant ~ Laziness is the mother of invention OR

Sloth is the mother.

  • Less is more. Source: Architect Mies Van der Rohe.
  • Life does not have a happy ending.
  • Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Life is in the vacation from the eternity of non-existence. Enjoy it.
  • Life is terminal.
  • Life is unsure, always eat your dessert first.
  • Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
  • Look after the Living.
  • Look, I have eleven fingers. One, two, miss three, four, five, six-seven-eight-nine-ten, [refering to "missed" third finger] ELEVEN!
  • Lottery is a tax on hope.
  • Lottery is a tax on people who cannot do the math.
  • light is as much a guide as it is a distraction.
  • Light can be blinding.

M

  • Made in the shade.

.

  • Misery loves company.
  • My Karma ran over your Dogma.

N

  • Nature is neither cruel, nor friendly. It's sheer indifferent.
  • Never forget that your tools were made by the lowest bidder.
  • Never look down on anyone unless you're helping him up.
  • Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
  • Never mistake knowledge for wisdom. One helps you make a living and the other helps you make a life.
  • No one's perfect; well there was this one guy, but we killed him, possibly because we felt threatened.
  • No quarter given, and none received.
  • None of us are as stupid as all of us.
  • Nothing is impossible, even the possibility of this sentence being false.
  • Nothing is impossible, just improbable.
  • Nothing is more certain than the certainty of being uncertain.

.

  • Nothing is right in my left brain, nothing is left in my right brain.
  • Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around. -possibly from the comic strip "Calvin & Hobbes".

O

  • Oh ho ho, this is fun to think about... (To a limited extent, of course).
  • Old lawyers never die— they just lose their appeal. ~ This appeared on a mug belonging to John Mortimer.
  • Old accountants never die - they just lose their balance. ~ Also appeared on a mug.
  • One mans terrorist is another mans freedom fighter.
  • Once you have glimpsed the world as it might be, it is impossible to live anymore complacent in the world as it is.
  • Optimists are merely pessimists in denial.

P

  • People in your life will come and go like the ocean tides, but few will leave such an imprint on your soul that it can not be washed away.
  • People say I shouldn't frown because it uses more muscles than smiling. Then I point out that Americans need their exercise.
  • People too weak to follow their own dreams will always find a way to discourage others.
  • Pessimist's definition of an Optimist: Someone who knows today is so bad, tomorrow has just got to be better.
  • Pessimists are just realist optimists.
  • Please take my comments personally, otherwise it looks like I hate the world.
  • Poinis poinis roach card. (probably a Dadaist).
  • Power is the ability not to have to please.
  • Practice what the priest preaches but not what the priest practices.
  • Practice what you preach.
  • Pray for what you want. Work for what you need.
  • Procrastinate later.

Q

R

  • Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write it should be hard to understand. ~ Appeared in Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal, but may or may not have been in existence beforehand.
  • Realists are just pessimists looking for an excuse for themselves.
  • Reality is a poor substitute for my dreams.
  • Right or Wrong is always dependent on the context.
  • Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
  • Reality is where Illusion is at it's strongest. (Graffiti at Snetterton Motor Racing Circuit).
  • Rule 31: There is no thing as excessive firepower. There is only open fire and reload.

S

  • Should have, would have, could have but didn't.
  • Show me the way to Ambaraluwa!
  • Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • Six inches to the right and Lincoln would have seen the end of the play.
  • So close, and yet so far away.
  • So long as a man remains free, he strives for nothing so incessantly and so painfully as to find someone to worship.
  • Some people are born with luck, some make their own luck.
  • Some people can carry a tune, and others just drag it behind them in the dirt. (Woody Allen ?).
  • Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
  • Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
  • Stupid people do stupid things; Smart people outsmart each other. (Lyrics from a System Of A Down song, but not sure if that is the original; cannot remember which song either).
  • Skydiving does not require a parachute, skydiving twice does.

T

  • Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
  • Talk is cheap when the story’s good.
  • Tell us what you need and we'll tell you how to get by without it. ~ Heard from an old Quartermaster Sergeant in the Australian Army.
  • Temptation is seen from a distance never near.
  • The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average guy can see better than he can think.
  • The best defense against logic is ignorance.
  • The best thing to give to your enemy is forgiveness; to an opponent, tolerance; to a friend, your heart; to your child, a good example; to a father, deference; to your mother, conduct that will make her proud of you; to yourself, respect; to all men, charity.
  • The candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long.
  • The death of three civilians and a dog causes uproar and sadness. The death of 20,000 soldiers causes dissatisfaction.
  • The Eclectic Rede: Keep What Works, Fix What's Broke, Dump the Rest.
  • The fat lady sung.
  • The future's so bright that I gotta wear shades. ~title of song by Timbukthree, may have existed earlier.
  • The glass is empty.
  • The glass isn't half empty. It isn't half full. It's just twice the size it should be.
  • The glass isn't half empty. It isn't half full. you just need to add ice.
  • The goal of science is to build better mousetraps , the goal of nature is to build better mice.
  • The grass is always greener, after a nuclear test.
  • The grass is always greener over the spetic tank. ~Kathy Reichs I think, maybe in Grave Secrets.
  • The gratuitous, usage, of, commas, is, really really really annoying, to, read.
  • The more something costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
  • The more you study, the more you know, the more you know, the more you forget, the more you forget, the less you know. So why study?
  • The only lesson history has taught us is that man has not yet learned anything from history.
  • The only thing in life achieved without effort is failure.
  • The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire. ~ Helicopter pilot wisdom
  • The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears this is true. ~ By James B. Cabell
  • The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The thirsty person doesn't care and the blind person doesn't see the glass at all. Which one are you?
  • The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. Unless they don't like the drink, then it's reversed.
  • The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? ~ possibly http://bash.org/?4753.
  • The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have catch up. ~ By Laurence Lyndon Jones.
  • The things we remember best are those better forgotten.
  • The tricky thing about playing chicken, is knowing when to flinch.
  • The unordinary man is the same as the ordinary man, but the unordinary man thinks in bigger terms and in more fruitful areas.
  • The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion when no one else is watching.
  • The world is like a two-sided coin, sometimes people forget which side is twoed.
  • There are only 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary and those who don't.
  • There are only 10 types of people in the world; those who understand trinary, those who don't, and those who mistake it for binary.
  • There are three types of people in this world: the ones who can count, and those who can't.
  • There are three types of people in this world: the ones who keep you alive, the ones who would otherwise cause you to die, and the ones who somehow manage to do both at the same time.
  • There is a fine line between coincidence and fate.
  • There is a reason for everything.
  • There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
  • They may not remember what you said but they will remember how you made them feel. -Maya Angelou.
  • Think of the Web as a big bathroom wall. And everyone has a marker.
  • This sentence no verb.
  • Those who don't make decisions never make mistakes.
  • Those who fight and run away, live to fight another day.
  • Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
  • Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order.
  • Those who think they know-it-all are very annoying to those of us who do.
  • Thoughts don’t hurt, actions do.
  • Three snows upon the crocuses ere the Winter will be gone. ~ This saying was either taken from or incorportated into a Lake Erie-area folk song about the arrival of spring.
  • To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
  • Toss the bag!
  • Treat a person as he is, and he will remain as he is. Treat him as he could be, and he will become what he should be.
  • Truth is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense.
    • Tom Clancy said something simular.

V

  • Violence is not the answer, however it is a pretty good guess.
  • Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over.

W

  • War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left.
  • Was today really necessary?
  • We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget.
  • Well, cunt my snatch!
  • Well done is better than well said.
  • What we perceive as real is what everyone else perceives as ‘our perceptions’.
  • What do you mean, "RAM DISK is not an installation procedure?"
  • When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed.
  • When we change the laws of physics we change our destiny.
  • Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
  • When have you proved yourself? When have you done enough? How many practices? How many games? How many championships? How many bus rides? How far do you have to go? And when do you know you're there?
  • When in doubt, empty your magazine.
  • When you kill one... it is a tragedy; when you kill a million ... it is a statistic. (Attributed to Joseph Stalin).
    • Note: Possibly a paraphrase of a lyric by Marilyn Manson in the track Fight Song, which reads "The death of one is a tragedy, the death of one is a tragedy, the death of one is a tragedy; the death of a million is just a STATISTIC!"
    • Note: This line occurs in the game "Red Alert" by Westwood Studios, which was released before Manson's song.
  • Where patience fails, force prevails.
  • Why are teenagers trying to find ways to kill themselves while the elderly are trying to find ways to live longer?
  • Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
  • Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
  • Write a wise saying, and your name will live forever. ~ Anonymous (The anonymity of the author is probably an intentional joke. Another possibility is that this was not a wise saying. Anonymous is the only name able to live forever.)
  • Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
    • Note: This has been attributed to Elvis Costello , Laurie Anderson , Thelonius Monk , Frank Zappa and Steve Martin, but the actual author remains unknown. ~ Sometimes cited as Talking about architecture....
  • King reigns; Patriarch commands; soldier fights; citizen works for all 3; lawyer confuses all 4; doctor messes all 5; pharmacist banes all 6; priest blesses the burial of all 7; untertaker buries all 8; Devil takes all 9 and Woman deceives all 10! Vangelis S. Athanassiou .

X

Y

  • You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your enemies.
  • You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time... Abraham Lincoln (attributed to).
  • You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.
  • You can put the cat’s kittens in the oven but that doesn’t make ‘em biscuits!
  • You can’t see the future through a rearview mirror.
  • You ever feel like the world's a giant game of musical chairs and the music has stopped and we're the only ones without chairs?
  • You have such a pretty smile ... it's a shame the things you hide behind it.
  • You know that every time I try to go where I really wanna be, It's already where I am, cause I'm already there?! (System of a Down).
  • You must walk a dark path to reach a bright future. Just make sure its not too bright or you might go blind.
  • You roll in the thunder and I’ll reap the whirlwinds.

Z

To be moved:

  • I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubblegum. ~ from Nada (Roddy Piper) in "They Live". The screenplay was written by John Carpenter, though Piper reportedly ad-libbed the famous line. (misquoted as: It’s time to kick ass and chew bubble gum… and I’m all outta gum! - a catchphase of videogame character Duke Nukem's)
  • I have a great love for humanity, it's the people that bother me. ~ Linus Charles Schulz
  • If it bleeds, we can kill it. ~ From Predator
  • Nine women cannot deliver a baby in one month. ~ Frederick P. Brooks from his book ~ This is very similar to a statement attributed to Wernher von Braun
  • Repeat after me, we are all individuals. ~ Source: this is a derivative of a line spoken by Graham Chapman as the character Brian in Monty Python's Life of Brian . Brian is talking to a crowd of people who mistakenly believe he is the Messiah and are repeating everything he says. Brian says ...You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals! then the crowd shouts Yes! We're all individuals! (This may not be the original source of this quote.) ~ Steve Martin also used a derivative of this phrase in his stand up comedy routine back in the 1970s. It was part of some oath he asked the audience to recite with him. There was also something about being obsequious and clairovoyant. Flypaper of the mind, I know. (~ZachsMind )
  • The deepest circle of hell is reserved for betrayers and mutineers ~ Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Carribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
  • The turtle only advances by sticking its neck out. ~ Les Reimers
  • Those who live for today forget about yesterday and tomorrow and thus miss out on two thirds of the equation of life ~ By Ross Thompson
  • You can agree to disagree on politics or even religion sometimes but you either kill people or you don't. Homicide is not something you can be neutral on. ~ Anita Blake (fictional character from a book series by L.K. Hamilton)
  • There are only 2 people in this world who I trust— One is me and the other isn't you. ~ Cameron Poe (Nicholas Cage) to US Marshall Vince Larkin (John Cusack) in Con Air (1997)
  • Nothing is impossible, only improbable. ~ Variant ~ Nothing is impossible, only improbable. And improbable just takes a little while longer to accomplish. ~ Isn't this a variant of a quote already attributed to George Santayana?
  • Don't take life too seriously: it isn't permanent
    • This is a variant of the original from the comic strip Pogo by Walt Kelly; Don't take life so serious, son, it ain't nohow permanent.
  • Jesus is coming, look busy. (tatooed on the bottom of the fake Archbishop of Canterbury in the movie Johnny English)
    • Also appears on various T-shirts
Last updated: 10-26-2005 03:52:15